Wonder Woman...Not!

If one could accomplish her goals just by throwing her weight around, I would be a power to be reckoned with. I am a full-figured woman with an agenda, well numerous agendas actually. So when I set a goal, I expect to accomplish it, no matter what. If push comes to shove, I'll put all of my weight behind, or in front of me, and push or shove, for all I'm worth!

  

There are a multitude of projects around our house that I have asked my husband to complete. He calls it "nagging".  We women know, however, that it doesn't become "nagging" for 48 requests or 48 months, whichever comes first. So, when I calmly request, for maybe the tenth time, that he take out the trash, I am offended when he snaps, "Will you please stop nagging me?" At least he said please. "I don't think it's nagging when the trash is climbing out of the can," I point out. Besides, it hasn't even been a week, let alone 48 months.

So, empty the trash already, I'm thinking. I wait for him to put down the remote and pick up the trash can while I am doing the dishes. He doesn't move from his position on the couch where he is entranced by some 1950's movie about giant ants taking over the world. "What about the trash?" I  risk being yelled at again. No reply; he just turns up the volume on the television. I finish putting the dishes away, wipe off the counter tops and toss my paper towels in the general direction of the trash can. Two can play this game as well as one, my dear. I leave the kitchen and head down the hallway to the bedroom. Just before I close the door I hear a sound. It's coming from the kitchen. Oh my god, he is taking out the trash! I'm smiling as, I close the bedroom door behind me. Take that, giant ants!

A Day In the Life of a Professional Patient

I have a doctor's appointment. at 12:45 today. I arrived there at 12:45.  "Your appointment was changed to 3:00." "I can't be here at 3:00, because I'm having mammograms at that time at the hospital!!" OK. I reschedule the PCP appointment and head towards home. WHOA! I pull over and call the hospital to see if they can move my exam up. Can I be there by 1:30? "I will be there by 1:30; thank you!" My PCP's office phone is off from 12:30 until 1:30. I sign in at the hospital and sit down. It's 1:30. I call the PCP's number and they answer immediately. "Would you please put me back in at 3:00?                             


It's 2:00 and I'm heading back towards my PCP's office. So much time to kill... I drive through Wendy's and order a large lemonade. "$2.49???" I now have a bucket of lemonade and sticker shock! I haven't had anything to eat or drink today, it's 90 degrees outside and... sip, sip, sip. I drive to the PCP's office and sit in my car and down a third of the over-priced lemon water.


Suddenly people start arriving and entering the building. "Oh no you don't! I have the 3:00 slot and I'm here at 2:30, half an hour early!" I hurry into the office, sign in and take a seat. Suddenly it's 3:00 and I'm still in the waiting room. So much for arriving early. I'm reading People magazine at 3:20, and after all of that sipping, my bladder is about to explode! I visit the loo. Much better.                                 


Back in the waiting room patients come and patients go, but I'm still here. At 4:00 I go to the glass window and ask the receptionist if they have forgotten me. Deer in headlights look. "Um...you're next." I worked in health care all my adult life and I know what that means. I sit back down, sip my lemon-tinged water, and read another People magazine. Several minutes later I am escorted to Exam Room #2. As the nurse begins to tell me to leave my things in the room and come out to be..."I'm not in the mood to be weighed today!" OK. My blood pressure and pulse are surprisingly excellent, considering my frustration level. I sit there with another People magazine because "Doctor has one more patient before you." "Of course she does!" And Jennifer Aniston has a new boyfriend... yawn.
                                                                                      
Finally my PCP enters the room visibly exhausted, but apologetic and extending her hand. I have a paper full of thoughts and questions. Had I not had to wait for so long, I might have skipped a few of them. However, there is much to discuss, so we begin. She never cuts our time short, bless her heart.


At 5:15 I pour myself back into my steaming hot car and call my husband. He is just leaving his office. I surprise him at the exit door, and I whisk him away to a nearby Italian restaurant for a leisurely dinner and conversation. Afterwards, I drop him off at his SUV so he can go to the gym. I open up the sun roof, crank up Classic Vinyl on Sirius Satellite, resist the urge to slip my Juke into Turbo, and head home singing loudly and putting health care out of my mind, until tomorrow.